


Throw on your dress and put on your doll faces

by troubledsouls



Series: Joshler oneshots [3]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: M/M, Self Harm, Songfic, trans!josh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2015-09-25
Packaged: 2018-04-23 07:08:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4867751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/troubledsouls/pseuds/troubledsouls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maya wishes she was Josh.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Throw on your dress and put on your doll faces

_Hey girl, open the walls, play with your dolls_

Maya Dun really hates her name. 

_We'll be a perfect family_

She also hates her family. 

_When you walk away is when we really play_

She hates how she has to sneak away to be with Tyler, her best friend in the whole wide world. 

_You don't hear me when I say_

Nobody listens to her when she wants the button-down shirts when they go shopping, forcing her into dresses and skirts. 

_Mom, please wake up, dad's with a slut_

Her dad might be supportive, but he's never home. 

_And your son is smoking cannabis_

Maya hates the house smell. 

_No one ever listens, this wall paper glistens_

Maya thinks she's a he. Like anyone would care if she told them. 

_Don't let them see what goes down in the kitchen_

Maya likes to slice her skin with the big kitchen knives. It makes her feel more grounded. 

_Places, places, get in your places_

Maya likes watched her blood drain into the sink. 

_Throw on your dress and put on your doll faces_

Maya wears long sleeved dresses to cover it up. 

_Everyone thinks that we're perfect_

Maya finally tells Tyler she's a he. 

_Please don't let them look through the curtains_

Maya picks the name Joshua, or Josh for short. He really likes how it sounds. Tyler agrees. 

_Picture, picture, smile for the picture_

Josh resents more and more being stuffed into dresses and skirts, wanting to break down and cry. 

_Pose with your brother, won't you be a good sister?_

Josh cuts more and more often now. 

_Everyone thinks that we're perfect_

Tyler helps him bandage his arms, Tyler tells him that's he's a boy. Tyler makes Josh feel better. 

_Please don't let them look through the curtains_

Josh finally tells his dad in a moment of confidence. 

_D O L L H O U S E, I see things that nobody else sees_

Josh's dad screams at him, asking him how he could ever think that, that God doesn't make mistakes. 

_D O L L H O U S E, I see things that nobody else sees_

Josh's dad sticks his fingers up Josh's vagina, pulls at Josh's breasts, just to prove it. 

_Hey girl, look at my mom, she's got it going on_

Josh runs to Tyler's house that night to cry and cry and cry. 

_Ha, you're blinded by her jewelry_

Josh's mother gets more elaborate earrings for Josh to wear, saying that he has too because he's Maya, he's a girl. 

_When you turn your back, she pulls out a flask_

Josh really hates the smell of his house, so he escapes to Tyler's more often. 

_To forget his infidelity_

Josh hates the shouting matches between his parents. 

_Uh oh, she's coming to the attic_

Tyler constantly reassures Josh, gently kissing the more frequent cuts, assuring Josh that he's going to be fine. 

_Plastic, go back to being plastic_

Tyler helps Josh dress in his clothes, sports bras holding down his chest, and Josh feels more perfect than he ever could before. 

_No one ever listens, this wallpaper glistens_

Josh hates the necklaces and dresses he has to wear to parties, especially at eighth grade graduation. His parents say he has to be pretty if he's going to move up to high school. 

_One day they'll see what goes down in the kitchen_

Josh is careful to clean up blood from the knives and sink. 

_Places, places, get in your places_

Summer is too hot to wear long sleeves in. 

_Throw on your dress and put on your doll faces_

Josh's mom insists in teaching him makeup. Josh goes over to Tyler's to wash it off, even though it's got tracks because of his tears. 

_Everyone thinks that we're perfect_

Josh has learned to tell his dad that he's over his 'transgender phase' so his dad stops shoving his fingers inside his vagina to prove that Josh is Maya. 

_Please don't let them look through the curtains_

Josh feels like he's breaking down into nothing. 

_Picture, picture, smile for the picture_

His parents won't let Josh see Tyler alone anymore. 

_Pose with your brother, won't you be a good sister?_

When nobody's listening, Tyler tells Josh he's starting to hear voices, that he's scared. 

_Everyone thinks that we're perfect_

The two boys are nothing. 

_Please don't let them look through the curtains_

But they are something when they are fleetingly together, Josh smiling when Tyler lets him try on a tie, Josh helping Tyler fight back the voices with gentle kisses. 

_D O L L H O U S E, I see things that nobody else sees_

Josh begins to loathe the name Maya, and begins to flinch whenever it (along with she/her pronouns), is used towards him. 

_D O L L H O U S E, I see things that nobody else sees_

His father begins to do more than just fingers in an attempt to correct him. 

_Hey girl_

Josh doesn't need correcting. 

_Hey girl, open your walls, play with your dolls_

Josh insists Tyler tell someone about the voices when Tyler panics about black running up his arms. 

_We'll be a perfect family_

Tyler is taken away. 

_Places, places, get in your places_

Tyler, Josh's grounding point, is gone. 

_Throw on your dress and put on your doll faces_

Josh begins to unravel, dresses burning his skin, nightmares making him scream. 

_Everyone thinks that we're perfect_

Josh feels far from perfect. 

_Please don't let them look through the curtains_

A week without Tyler. A week is too much, too much without Tyler telling him he's a boy, making him feel valid. 

_Picture, picture, smile for the picture_

Josh insists he's not Maya, which earns him more 'correcting'. 

_Pose with your brother, won't you be a good sister?_

Tyler isn't there to tell Josh he's Josh.

_Everyone thinks that we're perfect_

Josh begins to fall apart. 

_Please don't let them look through the curtains_

There's a hook on the cieling in Josh's bedroom that can hold his weight. There's bedsheets that can hold his weight too. 

_D O L L H O U S E_

Josh carefully ties a noose, attaching the other end to the hook. 

_I see things that nobody else sees_

Josh climbs up on a stool to pull the noose around his neck. He takes a deep breath. 

_D O L L H O U S E_

He kicks the stool away. 

_I see things that nobody else sees_


End file.
